It is often said that Apathists don’t care enough about religion to build a church. Well here it is. For those who believe that it is important to treat religion with apathy, I have built this church.
I was beginning to think Jesus had given up appearing on foodstuffs, but low and behold on Good Friday, He appeared on a pancake in the Cowgirl Cafe, in Norco. So why a pancake? And why on Good Friday, traditionally a day of fasting? Is it a sign? The owner of the cafe, Karen Hendrickson, said she felt it was a sign for her, after praying the night before for God to continue watching over the Cowgirl Cafe. Well He did the job. After Karen photographed the pancake, posted it on Facebook and contacted a local TV station, sales jumped and new customers were anxious to see photos of the “Jesus pancake”. The actual pancake has been put in the freezer for safe keeping. Some people on Facebook thinks it looks more like Charles Manson and a customer of the Cafe said it looks more like Abraham Lincoln. Well, seeing as nobody really knows what Jesus looked like, it’s all a bit mad, but sales in the cafe have picked up and people are smiling.
Oh no! It’s a blood moon, the first of four in 18 months. We’re all gonna die. Yes, last night the moon slid into the shadow of the earth casting a reddish hue on the moon. Unusually, there will be four of these occurrences in the next 18 months. Astronomers call it a tetrad, doomsayers call it a sign signalling the imminent destruction of the earth. We haven’t had too many doomsday predictions lately. The ISON comet predicted by many to bring forth our destruction, spectacularly failed after its million year journey ended on Thanksgiving day last year, when it simply disintegrated after getting too close to the sun. The Viking prediction of Ragnarok (Armageddon) also failed to materialise on February 22nd. The new movie Thor 3: Ragnarok (End of Days) still hasn’t been released, so I guess the director was not too anxious about the date being accurate. Religious people, quick to capitalise on the series of Blood Moons, have released a number of books explaining the significance as they perceive it: “Blood Moons: Decoding the Imminent Heavenly Signs”, by mark Biltz; “Blood Moons Rising: Bible Prophecy, Israel, and the Four Blood Moons”, by pastor Mark Hitchcock; and “Four Blood Moons: Something is about to change” by pastor John Hagee. The last book is number 80 on USA Today’s best seller list! Good grief people, save yourself some time and money. Here is my prophecy for the Blood Moons and the next 18 months. Everything will be pretty normal. There will be no rapture, Armageddon or End of Days. The bible says “The sun shall be turned into darkness, and the moon into blood, before the great and terrible day of the Lord.”, Joel 2:31. In my opinion a more reliable and accurate predictor of future events, NASA, issued a statement saying there will be eight sets of tetrads before the year 2100. Expect a lot more doomsday predictions over the next hundred years. Unless they are right of course.
A statue of Jesus the Homeless was installed recently at Saint Albion’s Episcopal Church in North Carolina, depicting Jesus as a homeless vagrant sleeping on a park bench. One of the first people to see it as she drove past called the police, thinking it was a real person. The features of the statue are shrouded, expect for the feet which show the marks made by the crucifixion. The creator of the piece, Canadian sculptor Timothy Schmalz, offered first casts to cathedrals in Toronto (St. Michael’s) and New York (St. Patrick’s), but both declined. The University of Toronto has one installed outside the Jesuit School of Theology. Last November Schmalz presented a miniature version to Pope Francis in Rome, who touched the knee of the sculpture, closed his eyes and prayed. If the City of Rome approve the installation, one will be placed on the Via della Conziliazione, leading to St. Peter’s Basilica. If you suddenly find someone sleeping on a bench outside your church, for the love of Jesus, don’t go calling the cops.
In response to people having problems with the rising cost of gas (petrol to you Europeans), the Journey Church is sponsoring a 50c per gallon reduction for 2 hours this Saturday, April 12th. So if you are in the neighbourhood of Boca Raton, Florida, this weekend, drive on over and get some cheap gas with their blessing. They ran a similar “Gas Buy Down” last year and had a very good response. The Lead Pastor, Nelson Searcy, says it is a practical way to share God’s love and is a great way to be a blessing to the people of his community. The church has also partnered on outreach projects and seeks creative ways to make a difference in people’s lives. Very refreshing. So get yourself over to the Miracle Mart at 1380 North Federal Highway, Boca Racon, FL this Saturday between 11am and 1pm to fill your tank
The search has been called off for Benito Flores, aged 43, who was swept out to sea during a baptism on a Guadalupe beach in California on Sunday. He was helping his cousin Pastor Maurigro Cervantes, of the Jesus Christ Light of the Sky church, who performs two or three such ceremonies each year. About 25 people were attending the ceremony and witnessed a big wave knock the pastor, Benito and the person being baptised off their feet. Two of them managed to save themselves, but Benito was caught by another wave and swept out to sea. He has not been seen since.
Can you believe that the film Noah has drawn sharp criticism because of inaccuracies? Not inaccuracies in what really happened obviously, but in how it differs from the short account in Genesis. Most criticism has come from people who have not seen the movie and are refusing to do so. Russell Crowe, who stars in the movie, has said he finds this stance “bordering on absolute stupidity”. I’m with you Russell. It seems there is a section of the movie showing how Darwinian evolution has transformed amoebas into apes. Yes, I can see where the creationists might have a problem with that. Anyhow, Ricky Gervais gives a much better treatment of Noah’s Ark. If you haven’t seen it, look it up on YouTube.
Finally the so called Bishop of Bling, Monsignor Franz-Peter Tebartz-van Elst, has been removed from his post by Pope Francis. The German bishop received wide criticism after the renovation of his residential complex costing €31 million. In Germany a church tax costs the country billions of euro, so the lack of transparency rubbed people up the wrong way. Monsignor Manfred Grothe, an auxiliary bishop will take over the post and Tebartz-van Elst will receive a new post at an opportune time.
With a little bit of 3D Modelling, jiggery pokery, HTML5 and divine intervention, we have managed to upgrade our website yet again. We have also tried to use our new look graphics across all our web presences, so you know you are dealing with the same Church of Apathy, whether you are on our website, Facebook or whatever.
The old m.churchofapathy.org site will no longer be updated.
Yes, the founder of the church of the anti-gay Westboro Baptist Church, famous for picketing funerals, kicked the bucket this week. There will not be any pickets at his funeral because he is not having one. He was voted out of the church some time ago, supposedly for wanting to take a softer line. It’s like he was bitten by the monster he created. The church gained notoriety in 1998 after protesting at the funeral of a gay student, Matthew Shepard, who had been brutally tortured and murdered. They started picketing the funerals of soldiers in 2005 and claimed that every US catastrophe, including 9/11 was a punishment from God for accepting homosexuality. They called for all gays and lesbians to be killed. In 2007, they featured in a BBC documentary, “The Most Hated Family in America”. Ironically, the work of this group has done more to promote tolerance by demonstrating just how bad intolerance can be. Would there have been a statue erected in memory of Matthew Shepard if they had not intervened? Perhaps they are secretly trying to promote tolerance towards gay people. The lord works in mysterious ways.
To ban or not to ban? That is the question. You would think that the artistic board of Newtownabbey council would have learnt from the ridiculous banning of The Life of Brian back in 1980, but no. Last week they banned a play of the Reduced Shakespeare Company entitled “The Bible: The Complete Word of God (abridged)” on grounds of blasphemy. Some council members claimed it mocked Christianity. However they later came to their senses with other members claiming the decision made them look like a laughing stock and they reversed the decision. So if you can’t be bothered to read the Bible (and let’s face it not many can), why not catch their show tomorrow night or the night after in Newtownabbey. The show promises to address great theological questions including whether Adam and Eve had navels. Check out their website for more information.