Church Of Apathy

It is often said that Apathists don’t care enough about religion to build a church. Well here it is. For those who believe that it is important to treat religion with apathy, I have built this church.

Atheists in Streator, Illinois offended some Christians during Easter week by erecting a sign saying “Nobody died for our ‘sins’, Jesus Christ is a myth”.  It was erected in protest against an Easter display of crosses in the same park. It caused so much offense that by Easter Sunday, the sign had disappeared and all that was left were two bent poles.  In response the Atheist group, Freedom from Religion Foundation, offered a reward of $1,500 for information leading to the arrest and conviction of those responsible. They also want it treated as a hate crime. The sign in the picture is a replacement sign, to which they have added the additional message, “P.S. your god says ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal’”

You know what it’s like waiting for a Jesus apparition. None come for ages, then they all show up at once. The latest appearance is in the unlikely location of a church. Just in time for Easter, Jesus has appeared wearing a crown of thorns. Thanks to the spreading of the word through social media, the nuns at Ursuline Academy have had to leave the chapel doors open longer so that people can come and see the shadow of Jesus on a pillar. The shadow is cast by an ornate chandelier, hardly miraculous, but visitors say it makes them think more and pray harder. I think this Jesus is cast by the sun of God.

Perhaps inspired by a recent visit to the Cliffs of Moher, Jesus has now shown up on a dead sting ray washed up on the shore of James Island, South Carolina. Erika Scheldt, 24, who photographed the fish, first thought it was a homeless bearded man, but now thinks it is Jesus and that it is interesting with Easter coming up. Wouldn’t it be great if it swam again on Easter Sunday?

I nearly missed the appearance of Jesus on an Irishman’s leg earlier in the week. Martin Carroll from County Laois and now studying teaching in Marino, Dublin got a bang on the leg during a game of hurling. The clash left a bruise featuring the face of Jesus, just in time for Paddy’s Day. Sure where better to spend it? See it on YouTube. Happy Saint Patrick’s Day wherever you are.

Have you been following the fascinating trial of the Lotter family in South Africa? It seems that the daughter, Nicolette, thought she was possessed by a tokoloshe (Zulu demon) that raped her every night. Along came a boyfriend, Mathew Naidoo, claiming to be the third son of God. He had sex with her and banished the demon. God then spoke to Nicolette and her brother Hardus, through Mathew, telling them to steal money from their parents. He then told them that God wanted their parents dead. Hardus, after persuasion from his sibling and a punching from Mathew, eventually agreed to help kill his parents. They planned to use a stun gun to knock them out and then inject air into their veins to induce a heart attack. However, it all went wrong. Hardus ended up strangling his father with an electric cable. He hit his mother with his fists and sat on her for about 15 minutes while his sister went to get a knife. When Nicolette came back she repeatedly stabbed her mother until she was dead, telling her it was God’s will. God then told them to clean the carpet and computer so they wouldn’t be caught. In a final twist Nicolette and her boyfriend Mathew tried to get Hardus to commit suicide, which would have left the couple free to collect the inheritance. However, the two siblings survived and they and Mathew are now all charged with the double murder of the Lotter parents. I’ll say it again. Don’t list to crazy Gods.

First President Obama didn’t thank God in his Thanksgiving day address, then he upset Catholic employers by forcing them to make contraception available to their employees, now he is quoting the bible to get Americans to pay more tax. It seems to be so easy to upset religious feelings in the United States. At a recent prayer breakfast, attended by about 3,000 people, Obama said that he was extraordinarily blessed and it was only right that he should give up some of the tax breaks that he enjoys. He said that is coincided with Jesus’ teaching that “for unto whom much is given, much shall be required”. So there you have it. Jesus agrees that the wealthy should pay more tax. Perhaps it’s so that the US military can do more of God’s work. The US Air Force Rapid Capabilities Office had the Latin slogan “Opus Dei Cum Pecunia Alienum Efficemus” on their emblem, which I’m told means “Doing God’s Work with Other People’s Money”. However the Military Association of Atheists and Freethinkers objected to the reference to God and the slogan was changed to “Working Miracles with Other People’s Money”. Now a republican group of 35 lawmakers is fighting to have the slogan restored. No doubt all the legal battling will consume more of those tax dollars that Jesus needs the government to collect.

Jesus statues are having a hard time lately. One of them outside a Boston church was decapitated by vandals just over a week ago. Police are still investigating, but the statue is a write off.

In Flathead, Montana the Freedom From Religion Foundation (FFRF), managed to get a permit for a Jesus statue revoked. The statue has been standing for 50 years, erected as a World War II memorial by the Knights of Columbus, at the top of a ski slope. Following a great public outcry to prevent the statue from being removed, the US Forest Service granted a renewal of the permit.

The Tourist Board of Brazil recently floated the idea of erecting a thirty foot replica of Christ the Redeemer on Primrose Hill, London, to coincide with the 2012 Olympics. The idea has been met with open hostility and derision and the Brazilian Tourist Board have been surprised with the negative response. Malcolm Kafetz, chair of the Friends of Primrose Hill said “We oppose it on the grounds that we don’t want any advertising in Royal Parks, otherwise we’ll have Coca-Cola in there soon enough”.

Do you have an imaginary friend? If you believe in a God then the Colorado Coalition of Reason think you do. They are putting up billboards declaring that God is an imaginary friend and urging people to choose reality because it will be better for all of us. They say the billboards are not intended to cause offense, but to let like minded Atheists know that they are not alone. On their website they say they are not asking people to stop believing in their version of a supernatural being, just to stop trying to make everyone else do the same. Amen Brother. God Bless Atheism.

The results of a survey conducted by Lifeway Research last December, asking 1,000 American Protestant Pastors about their beliefs, has just been published with what are, to me at least, surprising results. When asked if God used evolution to create people, 73% disagreed and only 12% agreed. 82% believe that we are all descendants of a literal Adam and Eve.When it comes to the age of the earth, 46% agreed that the earth is approximately 6,000 years old. Pastors with a college degree were less inclined to believe this. The enlightenment, which sparked the birth of the modern US, seems to be lost on these people.

At last the Gods of file sharing have had their religion officially recognised.  The Church of Kopimism, has been registered as an official religion by Kammarkollegiet, a Swedish governmental agency, making Sweden the first country to recognise the religion. Their roots are in file copying and the belief that everything should be free. As it states on the church website, in this religion, information is holy and copying it is a sacrament. Information holds a value and the value multiplies through copying. They reckon that having the religion recognised will help end their religious persecution, when people try to prevent them carrying out the holy sacrament of file copying. If you feel a calling to worship information, they organise kopyactings, religious services where information is copied and remixed. Currently the group have a few thousand followers, but this is likely to grow following the news of their official recognition. Go forth and Multiply,  Copy and Seed.