Because religion should not matter (too much)

Monthly Archives: November 2010

Child Jesus goes undercover in Austria.

In Austria, Christmas Markets are an integral part of Christmas, selling mulled wine, trinkets and general Christmas fare. The Christ Child is the traditional gift bringer and traditionally actors have been employed to wear the appropriate dress and walk among the crowds. This year, detectives are taking the place of some of these actors in an effort to crackdown on petty thieves and shoplifters.
Church officials have criticized the move and I can’t say I blame them. The idea of the Christ Child running through the market, jumping on a thief and cuffing him, just doesn’t seem very festive. Unless maybe everyone gives a big cheer when it happens.

Jesus visits Irish pub

For His latest appearance, Jesus has decided to visit an Irish pub. Rather than visit one in Ireland, He decided to support the Seanchai pub, in Warrnambool, on the Great Ocean Road in Australia, where they supply pints of the black stuff to appreciative locals. The black figure, which again bears an uncanny resemblance to a Jedi knight, appeared on the painted front of the hotel.  As word of the apparition spreads, people are coming from all around to take photos of the miracle. One of the local patrons has claimed that Jesus is turning water into Guinness. The owners are installing a shield to protect the apparition from being defaced.

Pig suffers religious persecution

Toy PigA mum who bought a toy farm for a child was puzzled when she found it contained a pig sty, but no toy pig. Even though there was a switch to trigger the pig sound when the pig was placed on it, the pig itself was missing. When she complained to the Early Learning Centre about the omission, she was told that it had been removed for religious reasons. She wrote to customer services and received an email reply saying that the pig had been removed for fear of upsetting Muslim and Jewish parents. Muslims, Jews and a number of other religions, ban eating pork. Jews, in fact, also believe camels, some birds, hares, shellfish and some fish are also off limits. Even though most people don’t eat dogs either, the dog was allowed to remain in the farm, along with a horse (also not eaten much outside France), a cow, a sheep, a chicken and two humans (also not eaten very often). Personally, I think that if there was a God who didn’t want us to eat pigs, She wouldn’t have made them taste so good. The good news is, that the Early Learning Centre, have realised the error of their political over-correctness and are reinstating the pig into the Happyland Goosefeather Farm.

Monster Jesus erected in Poland

If there is a God, she doesn’t seem to like large Jesus status very much. The largest sculpture of Jesus Christ in North America was struck down by lightning only last June. Despite this the leaders of the Solid Rock Church in Monroe, Ohio have commissioned a replacement. The height of the new Jesus will be 11 feet shorter than the original at 51 feet. It will have the arms reaching out instead of upwards and will incorporate a lightning suppression system to avoid the wrath of God.

After the polish priest Father Sylvester Zawadzki plans to build a “small garden sculpture” changed into plans for building the largest Jesus sculpture in world, things started going wrong. A crane collapsed when the head was being placed and the head fell crushing a builder’s foot. Zawadzki also suffered a heart attack leading some people to regard these events as signs of God’s disapproval. Strong winds delayed the final construction, but on Saturday the head was lifted into place and the construction was completed.

The construction has been funded by donations from people around the town of Swiebodzin, but not everyone in the area is happy. There are accusations of workers being paid paltry sums in wages, because they were expected to work for next to nothing to prove their faith. There are also claims of slave labour from a local prison being used in the construction. The editor of a local newspaper has been a campaigner against the statue calling it a monster of a statue, with no connection to Christian teaching, which will make them the laughing stock of the country. During construction the chief building inspector received threats and had a brick thrown through his car window.

Those in favour of the project hope that it will attract tourism to the area all year round and improve the lagging economy.

The statue measures just 33 metres. However, if you take the mound it stands on into account, it measures 51 metres and takes the record for the world’s tallest Jesus statue. This relegates the 40.4 meter high Cristo de la Concordia in Bolivia to second place. The famous Christ the Redeemer statue at 39.6 meters, in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil comes in third.

Remember the first commandment, thou shalt not worship. How long before God smites down another one of these things?

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