Because religion should not matter (too much)

Monthly Archives: October 2011

Jesus statue stolen in Phoenix

The stolen statueThe Jesus thieves have started early this year. Each Christmas hundreds of Jesus statues are stolen from Nativity displays because some people think it’s funny if Jesus doesn’t show up for Christmas. A Catholic church in Phoenix had a four foot statue of Jesus with outstretched arms in the grounds until the end of last week. The Rev. Charles Kieffer was shocked to find that the statue had been stolen when he discovered the loss last Saturday morning. Who would want to steal a bronze statue worth around $10,000 which was just standing out in the open with minimal security? Yeah, lots of people. There were surveillance cameras on the ground, but they don’t seem to have helped very much. There’s a bit of an epidemic of bronze and gold sculptures being stolen at the moment. I blame all those turn your old gold into cash advertisements. If you have a $10,000 statue in your garden, get a GPS device and some security installed.

Phew we’re all still alive, or are we?

World EndingHarold Camping has gone into hiding and Family Radio are saying they have been told not to speak to the media after their predicted doomsday passed without event. No doubt Harold will seek a way to justify his failure by telling us that the world really was destroyed, but we just didn’t notice. Hope you are enjoying the World Not Ending party. It looks like it’s going to be quite a while until the world doesn’t end again. A lot of people are predicting that the next world end date will be December 21st, 2012. I think that came about through some misinterpretation of the Mayan calendar. Time to reset the end of world party countdown.

Watch out for the meteors tonight

If you are out an about in Europe after midnight tonight, perhaps celebrating the continued existence of our planet, and look into the sky in the direction of the Orion constellation, you should see some meteors. We will be making our annual pass through the debris left behind by Halley’s Comet. Although the meteors will pass through our atmosphere at around 90,000 miles per hour, they are very small and will burn up, giving us a view of some shooting stars. Let’s hope no large unseen chunks of comet are out there to destroy the earth. I couldn’t bear living in a world that ended when predicted by Harold Camping’s crazy mathematical formula, but then I wouldn’t have to.

God made me do it

We told you last week about the man who ripped his eyes out during a mass, because God told him to do so. At the end of last week a French secondary school maths teacher set herself alight in the playground. When alarmed students rushed to put the flames out, she cried “No, God told me to do it”. Unfortunately, despite being airlifted to a hospital in Montpellier, she later died. Selena Gomez is the latest victim of God’s whispers. She has taken out a restraining order against a stalker, Thomas Brodnicki, who claims he is going to kill her after talking to God. He was picked up last month after allegedly threatening to scratch people’s eyes out. Not surprisingly he has a history of mental illness. At least when God talks to me, He does it in a dream and I always tell Him that I don’t believe in Him. If you hear voices telling you to do bad stuff, then don’t listen. It tends to end up badly.

Countdown to Earth’s Destruction Timer

PartyWell the rapture never occurred on May 21st, but that didn’t stop Harold Camping of Family Radio from sticking to his guns. He still maintains that the rapture did occur, but those who were saved did not feel anything. The final destruction of the earth will still occur on October 21st, as we reported initially back in 2010. And so he feedeth his sheep. To mark yet another crazy prediction, we have added a countdown clock to our site showing when the next party should be celebrated to mark the non-destruction of the earth. Of course if you are a Family Radio follower (and there are still a few) that is how long is left before you are whisked up to heaven while your God lovingly destroys the rest of us poor sinners. If you are viewing our mobile/cell site, you’ll have to look at the full site to see the countdown timer. We couldn’t be bothered putting it there too.

Seriously? Jesus Ween?

Jesus Ween PosterIt’s nearing the end of October when lots of people will have fun dressing up in weird costumes, setting off fireworks and otherwise celebrating the ancient pagan feast of Hallowen. Not if Paul Ade, a pastor from Calgary in Canada, has anything to do with it. He is promoting Jesus Ween, a Christian festival, which occurs on the very same date. Instead of skimpy costumes and ghoulish outfits, he wants people to wear white to symbolise righteousness. Is White Power making a comeback? He also hands out bibles instead of sweets. He sounds like a regular killjoy. In between composing Jesus Ween songs and running advertising campaigns on buses he found time to claim that the origins of Halloween come from early Christianity and All Hallow’s Eve. That in fact was the first hijacking of the Pagan feast, when the church introduced All Saint’s Day on November 1st. However, dressing up, eating fruit and candy and lighting bonfires is way more fun. I don’t think the Jesus Ween crowd will have much more luck attracting the masses. Next they will claim that Christmas is all about Jesus!

One man’s Jesus is another’s demon

Another Jesus ApparitionSo what do you see in this picture? The moon behind some clouds, right? Wrong! If you have been tainted by too much religion, it will be obvious that this is an apparition of Jesus. Carlos McDaniel who took the photo at a festival in Alabama, sees the face of Jesus, with the moon shining from the centre of his forehead like the star of Bethlehem. Above that is a crown of thorns. It brought tears to his eyes. Really? I want some of whatever he is taking. Well on second thoughts maybe not. If you photoshop the picture and turn it upside down, it does kind of resemble a grinning demon, but that is just my perception. It all depends on which way you look at things.

Man rips his eyes out

Religion can seriously damage your health. Every church should have a government health warning stamped across the front door. One of the latest victims, 46 year old Aldo Bianchini, was attending mass in a Catholic church in Viareggio near Pisa in the North West of Italy. Everything was fine until he heard voices in his head telling him to remove his eyes. To the horror of other church goers around him he proceeded to gouge out his eyeballs with his bare hands before collapsing in a pool of blood. Father Lorenzo Tanganelli, who had just begun his sermon when the commotion began realised what was happening and called the paramedics. They arrived quickly to take him to a local hospital, but they were unable to re-attach the eyeballs and he will remain blind for the rest of his life.  Father Tanganelli resumed the Mass after Bianchini had been taken away, but many of the congregation had had enough for that morning and went home. What is that quotation from the bible?

If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.

Yes, perhaps the bible should have a health warning across the cover too.

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