Because religion should not matter (too much)

Monthly Archives: June 2012

Religion can increase your BMI

Priest with WineIn a study, researchers in Australia have confirmed a link between BMI and religious denomination. In a survey of nearly 10,000 people they found that Catholic and Baptist men have a higher BMI than non-religious men and Christian women have a higher BMI than others. In their paper “Religion and BMI in Australia”, Kortt and Dollery note that many religious occasions involve food as part of the celebration, thus condoning over-eating. We need more researchers to continue this important work in other locations. I have a feeling that the influence of religion on BMI is leading to needless health problems throughout the world. Images of Jesus keep popping up on foodstuffs. What does it all mean?

God tells football player to start fire

Spokane FireThursday morning at 5:30am, near Spokane, WA, Kevin Marcus Ellison, a professional football player with Shock Spokane, had to jump from his upper story apartment window to escape a fire. His teammate Chris Tucker who shares the apartment was awakened by a smoke detector and also escaped unharmed. Luckily the blaze was spotted by passing fire-fighters who requested backup and extinguished the fire. On examination of the scene fire-fighters ruled out accidental causes and at the hospital, where Ellison was being treated for smoke inhalation, he told a Fire Marshal that God had told him to set the bed on fire with a marijuana blunt. Damage is estimated at $50,000 and Ellison has been arrested for arson.

Jesus Poster causes trouble in school

Kill All InfidelsA seventh grade student in Fresno, California is causing a fuss with parents after the school displayed a poster in the lobby. The poster depicts Jesus, in the style of an Uncle Sam recruitment poster, under the heading “I Want You”, with a continuation underneath “To Kill All Infidels!” The poster was made as part of a project on the crusades where students were asked to make recruitment posters for the crusades. Further down the poster it states, “Meet Me In Jerusalem, get a free ticket to heaven.” I think the young student should be commended on bringing home the truth of the affair in a simple poster. Parents, however, just want it taken down. Perhaps they should remove the crusades and the Spanish Inquisition from history lessons?

Killer claiming to be Jesus judged insane

Police at the sceneA man claiming to be the Lord’s Warrior, who beat a man to death with a fence post two years ago, has been found not guilty due to metal illness in Canada. Kevin Larry Michalchuk was staying with a friend at the time and after saying he was Jesus and emptying the contents of his friend’s fridge onto the driveway was asked to leave. His friend called a neighbour, Peppino Bassani, to let him know what was happening and also notified the police. Bassani did not wait for the police, but went out to check his horses and found that Michalchuk had released them from their coral. Michalchuk believed Bassani was a child molester and animal abuser, so presumably in his mind he was saving the horses. A quarrel ensued and Michalchuk hit Bassani with a broken fence post. He fell to the ground and Michalchuk continued hitting him until he stopped moving and then hid the body under some straw. When the police arrived he was wearing a balaclava and carrying a pail and a rope. He yelled that he was the son of God at police and said “I am Jesus. I am the decider. You do not decide.” Two hours after he was taken away, Bassani’s daughter found the body near some grazing horses. After admitting the killing, Michalchuk told police that Bassani had taken the Lord’s name in vain, which had angered him. “God had chosen him to die”, he told police. He also claimed that Bassani said he was Santa Clause and would climb down chimneys, steal kids and eat them. He added that the horses were happier now that Bassani was dead. It looks like Michalchuk will be confined to Alberta Hospital for a long time.

When is a Catholic not a Catholic?

Bread and Wine

A recent survey conducted among Catholics in Ireland has been raising a stir after it was found that only a quarter believe in transubstantiation and less than a third attend mass regularly, both of which are key aspects of being a Catholic. Many people also defy the Magisterium, or teaching authority of the Church, by using contraception or having gay relationships, yet still claim to be Catholic.

Cardinal Oscar Rodriguez Maradiaga, when asked about the transubstantiation issue in the survey, speculated that maybe they have never been educated in that. I don’t think he is calling 75% of Irish Catholics dumb, just saying that they haven’t been told they have to believe this stuff. Does that mean you can be a Catholic if you don’t know you are supposed to believe in it? It reminds me of that joke:

Eskimo: If I did not know about God and sin would I go to hell?

Priest: No, not if you didn’t know.

Eskimo: Then why did you tell me?

So Catholics, now you know. When you eat that little wafer, you are actually eating the flesh of Christ and if you are lucky enough to sample the wine, it is the actual blood of Christ. If it looks like bread, smells like bread and tastes like bread, it’s actually meat. If it looks like wine, smells like wine and tastes like wine, it’s actually blood. Gruesome, I know. It’s your religion, get your head around it.

Jesus appears in bathroom mold.

Jesus in MouldTo the delight of residents in Splendora, Texas, Jesus decided to visit their home. Oddly enough, the chosen spot to appear was in the mold growing in their shower. Chyanna Richards, resident at the home, can see the head of Jesus, the face and a cloak. Thomas George, who also lives there, was in prison when the uncanny likeness was discovered and thinks it is a sign that Jesus is watching over them. Regardless of whether the sign is from Jesus, Mr. Blobby or a random pattern of mold, I would be more inclined to look on it as a message that the hygiene regime in the home needs to be stepped up a notch.

Serpent Handling pastor dies following snake bite

Rattle SnakeMark Randall Wolford, a pastor at the Apostolic House of the Lord Jesus, died in Bluefield Regional Medical Center earlier this week after being bitten by a Timber Rattle Snake during a religious service last Sunday. He chose to follow in his father’s footsteps and became a Serpent Handler, even though he also died following a snake bite in 1983. This rare branch of religion is derived from Mark 16:18 in the Bible:

They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.

The website for Holiness Snake Handlers notes that the practice is not to be confused with secular snake handlers, snake charmers or Hindu snake enticers. The site goes on to explain that Jesus instructed the disciples in Serpent Handling, but this has been ignored by most Christians today, because Satan is the God of this world and controls 99% of religions. True Christians should of course handle serpents and drink poison and not use reasoning as an excuse. Well isn’t that true of most religions? Too much reasoning can damage your faith. It’s better to be apathetic towards it.

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