Because religion should not matter (too much)

Christmas

Santa was first to visit Jesus

Santa visits JesusWho was first to visit the new born baby Jesus, some shepherds, the wise men or Father Christmas? Well according to a recent survey of about 1,000 adults and 1,000 children 37 opted for Santa. Scarily enough the 37 were mostly adults, not children.  Some of the other misconceptions were that Mary and Joseph were married when they found out she was pregnant (60%), they were on their first date (2%), Jesus was placed in a Moses basket (5%) and Jesus was born in Beirut (1%).  Other than the large number of people thinking that Mary and Joseph were married, the Nativity plays at this time of year seem to be doing their job in getting the story of Jesus across. Wouldn’t it be nice if Santa was the first visitor?

Christmas makes religious people crazy

What could me more religious at Christmas than visiting the basilica of the Nativity in Bethlehem, where it is alleged Jesus Christ was born? Well perhaps you should avoid it. The church is jointly controlled by a number of competing religions and disputes often erupt between them over territorial claims. This year the Armenian Orthodox and Greek Orthodox clergyman had a full on brawl over who was supposed to clean which part of the church. They ended up screaming and hitting each other with broomsticks. The Palestinian security forces had to be called in to break up the riot.  See the video on YouTube.

Meanwhile over near Reno, Jesus spoke to Justin Bennett through his heart and directed his rampage of arson, vandalism and shooting this Christmas. He targeted the police, a post office, four motels, strip clubs and various vehicles, shooting into them and burning down the unoccupied post office. He says

People should be home with their families at Christmas and at church, not at the strip clubs.

He has been charged with discharging a firearm into a building, arson and burglary.

Over near London, Santa Claus left an image of Jesus in the sock of Sarah Crane’s laundry. Who said they couldn’t work together?  When Sarah started making a shrine to the sock, some of the creases fell out and the image could not be seen so clearly, but you can still make out the face. Unfortunately, she thinks it is no longer good enough to donate to her local church. She thinks it’s a sign, but for what she does not know.  That reminds me, I must get rid of my holy socks.

A Poem for Christmas and Baby Jesus

Jesus Missing‘Twas the week before Christmas
Outside every house
And Jesus was stirring
Helped by a louse

The crib was placed
On the lawn with care
But alas Baby Jesus
Is no longer there.

Yes, the stealing Baby Jesus from the crib season is in full swing this year right across the globe. From one in Waterford, Ireland which was later found badly damaged, to the serial Baby Jesus snatcher in Port Angeles who took six of them. One bright spark who posted a picture of a stolen statue on her Facebook page and bragged about taking it, is now facing charges in Fredericksburg. Over in Macomb County, MI, they had a new variation this year. Besides stealing the Baby Jesus, they also posed lighted reindeer ornaments in sexual positions. If you are placing a Baby Jesus outside your house, make sure it is fitted with a GPS device and install some hidden cameras.

Merry Christmas everyone, or if you object to Jesus being include:

Season’s Greetings, Happy Holidays, Enjoy the Winter Solstice

Johnny Depp outrages Christian Groups

Johnny Depp‘Tis the season to be offended, part 2. What could be more festive than the image of Jesus getting drunk and passing out at a Bachelor Party, or Stag Party, depending on where in the world you live? The band Babybird believe that their new release “Jesus Stag Night Club”, which also features Johhny Depp, believe that this festive ditty could be the Christmas No. 1. I guess anything would be better than another X-Factor hit. Let’s view some lyrics.

Saw a man in a bar with his hair like a lady
Bloody thorns round his ear like he was a crazy
He had holes in his hands and a cross for a spine
Crushed a berry in his Perrier and called it wine

Saw a man lying on the floor beaten up
He had a fish finger sandwich and a yellow M coffee cup
I bent down drunk and tried to pick him up
But when I turned around I could see it was Jesus

A lot of people have criticized Johnny Depp for getting involved. The Christian Coalition has said “One day, Johnny Depp and his cronies will face the judgment of our Lord and they will burn in hell for this filth”.  That’s the spirit. Turn the other cheek.

Jesus statue stolen in Phoenix

The stolen statueThe Jesus thieves have started early this year. Each Christmas hundreds of Jesus statues are stolen from Nativity displays because some people think it’s funny if Jesus doesn’t show up for Christmas. A Catholic church in Phoenix had a four foot statue of Jesus with outstretched arms in the grounds until the end of last week. The Rev. Charles Kieffer was shocked to find that the statue had been stolen when he discovered the loss last Saturday morning. Who would want to steal a bronze statue worth around $10,000 which was just standing out in the open with minimal security? Yeah, lots of people. There were surveillance cameras on the ground, but they don’t seem to have helped very much. There’s a bit of an epidemic of bronze and gold sculptures being stolen at the moment. I blame all those turn your old gold into cash advertisements. If you have a $10,000 statue in your garden, get a GPS device and some security installed.

Happy Yuletide

Today, the shortest day of the year, is Yule, celebrated by pagans since long before the Christian Christmas. This year it coincided with a full moon, which looked particularly spectacular in my part of the world as it shone on a snow covered Europe. There was also a lunar eclipse last night, but it was not visible in all parts of the world. The last total eclipse during the winter solstice was in 1638, so it was truly a once in a lifetime event.
This morning the dawn at Newgrange, was broadcast live on Irish Television. Newgrange, claimed by some to be the oldest building in the world, was built over 5,000 years ago, just north of Dublin. It was constructed so that shortly after dawn on the Solstice, the sun shines directly into the inner chamber. This evening it will be the turn of Stonehenge. The main focus of Stonehenge, built about 1,000 years after Newgrange, seems to be the solstice sunset, as viewed through the arches of the Great Trilithon.
This year is especially a happy Yule for pagan prisoners in the UK, as their religion has now been recognised and prison governors have been issued with a list of the 8 main pagan holidays, including Yule. The prisoners may choose to celebrate 4 of these and may also keep tarot cards, a hoodless robe and a wand in their cell.
Happy Yuletide to all. Look forward to longer days.

Baby Jesus gets GPS Implant

Simulated Baby Jesus Tracker

Stealing the baby Jesus from the mangers of nativity scenes has become a popular international pastime. Last January we reported on a number of Jesus snatching incidents from around the world. This year, the baby Jesus is fighting back. Brickhouse Security, a New York based company, is offering free GPS tracking to churches for the Christmas period. A motion-activated device is fitted inside the baby and sends a distress call. The position of the baby can then be tracked online. The device has A-GPS, so even if satellites are unavailable, the location can be tracked to the nearest base station. So far, over 60 churches in 25 states have enrolled in the Baby Jesus GPS program. The best quote came from a nativity caretaker, Alan Czyewski, who claimed that Jesus would approve of the implant and it would make it easier for his disciples to follow him.

Child Jesus goes undercover in Austria.

In Austria, Christmas Markets are an integral part of Christmas, selling mulled wine, trinkets and general Christmas fare. The Christ Child is the traditional gift bringer and traditionally actors have been employed to wear the appropriate dress and walk among the crowds. This year, detectives are taking the place of some of these actors in an effort to crackdown on petty thieves and shoplifters.
Church officials have criticized the move and I can’t say I blame them. The idea of the Christ Child running through the market, jumping on a thief and cuffing him, just doesn’t seem very festive. Unless maybe everyone gives a big cheer when it happens.

Jesus kidnapped again

Yes, as reported in the Irish Independent, the baby Jesus has been kidnapped again, this time from the Lough in Cork city. When the Lough froze over, the kidnappers were able to walk on water to take the life-sized statue of Baby Jesus from the popular nativity scene. The police were alerted and Baby Jesus was later recovered without any significant damage. To the best of our knowledge no ransom demands were made.

This seems to be a new trend. Between Christmas and the New Year, The Herald News, Illinois reported that the Baby Jesus was taken from his manger outside Saint Anne’s church. Beer bottles were put in place of the infant, presumably as a decoy.

The Linlithgow Gazette reports that kidnappers also struck in Scotland’s West Lothian on Christmas Eve. This time, not only did they take the Baby Jesus, but his manger and the Virgin Mary. Joseph, the three wise men and a shepherd were left unharmed at the scene, but were unable to help the South Queensferry police with their enquiries.

Jesus Missing

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