Tired of squabbling about religion and other matters, the Israeli Pirate Party is leading the surge of the lesser ranked parties for the Israeli Parliamentary Election due to take place on January 22nd. Their leader, Ohad Shem-Tov, formerly belonging to a party seeking to legalise cannabis, appeared at a meeting on Dec 31st, complete with pirate hat and hook to proclaim their rights to plagiarize and sail the high seas, although they do say they are not in favour of outright piracy like high jacking ships. Arrr! You gotta hope the scurvy dogs make it to the poop deck me hearties.
Thursday morning at 5:30am, near Spokane, WA, Kevin Marcus Ellison, a professional football player with Shock Spokane, had to jump from his upper story apartment window to escape a fire. His teammate Chris Tucker who shares the apartment was awakened by a smoke detector and also escaped unharmed. Luckily the blaze was spotted by passing fire-fighters who requested backup and extinguished the fire. On examination of the scene fire-fighters ruled out accidental causes and at the hospital, where Ellison was being treated for smoke inhalation, he told a Fire Marshal that God had told him to set the bed on fire with a marijuana blunt. Damage is estimated at $50,000 and Ellison has been arrested for arson.
How often have you seen reports of images of Jesus appearing on various foodstuffs and wished you could see it for yourself? Well now you can. The Daily Bread Company and Burnt Impressions LLC are selling Jesus toasters that are guaranteed to make the face of Jesus appear on your toast every day. If you are Catholic, you can also get the Virgin Mary toaster, perhaps in a nice shade of blue. For Christmas they have a Nativity Toaster that does both Jesus and Mary. Don’t worry, non Christians are covered too, they also have the Star of David, Crescent Moon and Ganesh. Atheists can select the Obama toaster to represent them after he failed to thank God in his Thanksgiving Day speech. There are lots of others like a marijuana leaf, a peace sign and a maple leaf. The Jesus toaster is the most popular with sales of between 50 and 100 per day, which if true, should be generating a turnover of around $1 Million per annum. So hot, they could melt butter. I’m in the wrong business. What a nice present for Christmas. Buy 2 Jesus toasters and get a free Virgin Mary. See the custom page on the website to see the entire range or just get a Jesus toaster at jesustoasters.com. I wonder if it has an extra cheesy setting.
A naked man claiming to be Jesus has been arrested in Town Creek, Alabama. As reported in the Times Daily, Police were called to a disturbance on the highway after family members were concerned when Jeremiah Buxton refused to wear a seatbelt in a truck. He got upset, climbed a fence and went into a field, so police could not locate him at the scene. Shortly afterwards they got a call from a mother with two small children in a nearby house. Jeremiah broke in, naked, claiming that the house was his and started removing all the pictures from the walls. When police arrived he explained that he had to loose his clothes as part of the cleansing process. He later tested positive for marijuana and methamphetamine, so it is unlikely that he was in fact the Messiah.
Today, the Hindu festival of Maha Shivratri begins, celebrating the marriage of Lord Shiva to the Goddess Parvati. This great night of Shiva occurs on the night before the new moon in the month of Maagha. Every year thousands of pilgrims travel to the Pashupatinath temple in Kathmandu, Nepal including Sadus, or holy men, who live like hermits in caves. As part of their celebration the Sadus smoke cannabis. A loophole in the law allows this and at one time the government used to provide marijuana for the festival. However, this year in response to complaints from locals, the authorities, while still permitting the Sadus to smoke, are not permitting any sale of the drug. It seems like some unscrupulous people were posing as holy men to deal in drugs. So far plain-clothes officers have arrested 18 people.