Because religion should not matter (too much)

Obama

Obama quotes the Bible to justify collecting tax

Air Force EmblemFirst President Obama didn’t thank God in his Thanksgiving day address, then he upset Catholic employers by forcing them to make contraception available to their employees, now he is quoting the bible to get Americans to pay more tax. It seems to be so easy to upset religious feelings in the United States. At a recent prayer breakfast, attended by about 3,000 people, Obama said that he was extraordinarily blessed and it was only right that he should give up some of the tax breaks that he enjoys. He said that is coincided with Jesus’ teaching that “for unto whom much is given, much shall be required”. So there you have it. Jesus agrees that the wealthy should pay more tax. Perhaps it’s so that the US military can do more of God’s work. The US Air Force Rapid Capabilities Office had the Latin slogan “Opus Dei Cum Pecunia Alienum Efficemus” on their emblem, which I’m told means “Doing God’s Work with Other People’s Money”. However the Military Association of Atheists and Freethinkers objected to the reference to God and the slogan was changed to “Working Miracles with Other People’s Money”. Now a republican group of 35 lawmakers is fighting to have the slogan restored. No doubt all the legal battling will consume more of those tax dollars that Jesus needs the government to collect.

Jesus is popping up on our daily bread, everywhere.

Jesus ToasterHow often have you seen reports of images of Jesus appearing on various foodstuffs and wished you could see it for yourself? Well now you can. The Daily Bread Company and Burnt Impressions LLC are selling Jesus toasters that are guaranteed to make the face of Jesus appear on your toast every day.  If you are Catholic, you can also get the Virgin Mary toaster, perhaps in a nice shade of blue. For Christmas they have a Nativity Toaster that does both Jesus and Mary. Don’t worry, non Christians are covered too, they also have the Star of David, Crescent Moon and Ganesh. Atheists can select the Obama toaster to represent them after he failed to thank God in his Thanksgiving Day speech. There are lots of others like a marijuana leaf, a peace sign and a maple leaf.  The Jesus toaster is the most popular with sales of between 50 and 100 per day, which if true, should be generating a turnover of around $1 Million per annum. So hot, they could melt butter.  I’m in the wrong business. What a nice present for Christmas. Buy 2 Jesus toasters and get a free Virgin Mary.  See the custom page on the website to see the entire range or just get a Jesus toaster at jesustoasters.com.  I wonder if it has an extra cheesy setting.

Man on mission from God fails to kill Obama

Ortega-HernandezFollowing a shooting attack on the White House last Friday, police have arrested 21 year old Ortega-Hernandez in connection with the incident. It seems that he believed that he was Jesus, on a mission from God to rid the world of the Anti-Christ, Barrack Obama. He is accused of firing nine rounds from what is believed to be an AK-47, equipped with a scope, from a car into the white house. One of the bullets managed to crack a pane of glass in the family living quarters, but it was stopped by the bullet proof glass. Yes, God in His wisdom didn’t mention the bullet proof glass when delivering the mission details. Neither did He mention that President Obama would be travelling to Hawaii at the time of the attack. Oh God, You are such a joker. If Ortega is convicted of attempting to assassinate the president or his staff, he could face up to life in prison. Surely the guy’s sanity is questionable.

Zero tolerance for religious sense of humour

Well no surprise that Americans didn’t appreciate the sense of humour displayed by Ricky Gervais at the Golden Globes. He made swipes at Charlie Sheen for liking alcohol too much, Hugh Hefner for liking 24-year-old women too much and scientologists for disliking gays too much. What caused the most outrage however, was his closing remark.

“Thank for everyone in the room for being good sports, to NBC and the Hollywood foreign press, thank you for watching at home, and thank you God for making me an atheist.”

By the following day, NBC had received dozens of complaints from all over the United States. The Corpus Christi group in Texas wanted to know why the blasphemy had not been bleeped out. The reason, apparently, is that organisers did not believe they would have to warn a professional presenter about being disrespectful to God in a family show being broadcast on the Sabbath. They were completely thrown by the remark, which on the European side of the Atlantic would not have raised an eyebrow. Many Americans are very touchy about religion and it can trigger fights with an almost zero tolerance policy.

The sensitive subject of religion in the US is also responsible for a premium advertisement being rejected for airing during the Super Bowl.  The JESUShatesOBAMA.com website, a shop for selling products bearing the slogan “Jesus hates Obama”, created a video with bobbling head miniatures of Jesus and Obama. The frowning Jesus grins after Obama falls into water. It’s hardly blasphemy and you can see it on their website, but it was enough for Fox to ban the advert and in so doing generate even more leads for the online store. Seemingly the store has made enough money from selling these products to persuade a Venture Capitalist to fund the advertisement. A 30 second advertising slot during the Super Bowl costs around $30 million. Well as the TV evangelists know, “There’s money in religion.”

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