Because religion should not matter (too much)

Satan

Jesus arrested for assault after not paying wife’s bill in restaurant

jesusandwifeKristi Rhimes in Oklahoma, who claims to be married to Jesus Christ, was stood up last Friday after having food and drinks at the El Chico restaurant in Lawton. She claimed her husband, Jesus Christ a famous religious leader, would be along to pay the bill. When Jesus failed to show up (as usual), and Kristi had no other method of paying the bill, she was arrested for fraud. Strangely enough the next day in Louisville, Kentucky, just 800 miles away, a man claiming to be Jesus Christ was arrested for assaulting a woman in her eighties. The old woman was dragging herself across the street on her hands and knees, when Jesus, also named Calvotte Brooks, clearly saw she was the devil in disguise and threw a glass plate at her head. With her right cheek bleeding and bruised, she was visibly shaken and unable to give her name to the police. The police, failing to recognise that this was in fact Satan in disguise, arrested Calvotte and charged him with assault. In court on Monday, during a heated exchange with the Judge, Calvotte revealed that he is in fact head of Homeland Security. In light of this the judge upgraded the charge to attempted murder and set bail at half a million dollars. Both Jesus (Calvotte) and his wife (Kristi) remain in custody.

Pope’s doves attacked again.

crow attacks doveYes, those satanic seagulls are at it again. Exactly one year ago seagulls attacked two doves released by Pope Benedict as a sign of peace, but the doves escaped. Yesterday, the gulls decided to bring some reinforcements for their mission in the shape of a crow. You have to admire their choice. A crow is a more classical bird of evil, perhaps we may get a raven or two for next year’s rematch. Shortly after Pope Francis and two children released the doves, they were attacked by a seagull and a crow. Despite their being a crowd of tens of thousands of people in Saint Peter’s square, nobody knows if the doves survived. Well I guess that’s a miracle of sorts.

Hanuman monument proposed alongside Satanic one

Hanuman Statue

Not to be outdone by the Satanists, a Hindu organisation also wants to place a monument on the grounds of the Oklahoma state capitol. The proposed monument is of Hanuman, a monkey-like Hindu deity. Hanuman statues are very common in India, the highest of which is 135 feet high. Politicians haven’t been as quick in dismissing the Hindu deity as they were with the Satanic monument. Meanwhile, the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) is continuing with a lawsuit to have the 10 commandments monument removed, which caused all this in the first place. It’s all quite amusing. Maybe we should propose a monument to Apathy? No, I think you have to care too much.

Satan monument wanted beside 10 commandments

10 Commandments MonumentDo you believe in freedom of religion? Are all religions equal? Conservatives in Oklahoma City thought it would be a good idea to allow a privately funded Ten Commandments monument to be erected on the Statehouse steps in 2009. Now a New York based Satanic Temple has notified them that they also want to donate a private monument to stand next to the ten commandments. They insist their monument, an homage to the historic/literary Satan costing in the region of $20,000, will be in good taste and in keeping with community standards. The design may feature a pentagram or an interactive display for children. Well I guess it’s important to get both sides of the story. However, Republican Bobby Cleveland, R-Slaughterville, who is pushing for legislation to allow religious themed symbols in public places, dismissed the Satanists saying they are in the Nut category.

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