Well of all the trials and tribulations you have on your way to be crucified, who would have thought that getting your crucifix stuck while travelling on the escalator would be one of them?
People are flocking to collect ‘Holy Water’ from a statue of Jesus, in a village near Mumbai in India, that has started crying. Police have had to be called in to control the crowds.
The last time this happened at church in Mumbai, in 2012, Sanal Edamaruku came along to disprove the miracle and proved that the source of water was a blocked drain. Instead of thanking Edamaruku for protecting their health, the people turned against him and a number of blasphemy charges were brought against him. Edamaruku is well know for exposing fake miracle workers. After death threats were made and a fellow activist was murdered, he sought refuge in Helsinki, Finland and remains there to this day.
Hailey, aged 19, is so convinced she is the latest immaculate conception, she went on the Dr Phil show to prove it. Unfortunately, when Doctor Stork (I kid you not) examined the scan, the main concern was the lack of a foetus. When Hailey was confronted with the evidence, or lack of evidence, she said “You can’t lie to Jesus.”
Click to see coverage on our YouTube channel.
It all started when the head of Jesus was stolen from a statue outside a church in Canada. One of the congregation kindly supplied a temporary replacement head. Unfortunately, the clay replacement looked more like a demonic version of Maggie from the Simpsons. Before the elements had time to destroy the clay head, it was removed, leaving the baby Jesus headless again. The original head was then returned by the teenager who had stolen it. However, it looks like the statue will remain headless for some time. It is better to fit the head in warmer weather and they are worried about it being vandalized again. It looks like the baby Jesus will remain headless until next summer.
For coverage of this by our pilot news channel on YouTube click below.
Kai, a homeless guy hitchhiking, took a lift from a big guy driving a black car. After a while the driver says, “Hey I’m Jesus I can do f***ing anything.” He then drives the car straight into a black worker standing by his truck at the side of the road, knocking him down. He then jumps out of the car and tries moving the victim. When a woman tried to stop him, he turned on her saying he was Jesus and he was going to save everyone from the n**gers and clasped her in a bear hug. His passenger Kai, grabbed an axe from the car and saved the woman by hitting Jesus three times, Smash, Smash, SMASH! You really have to watch the YouTube video to hear him tell the story. Thankfully everyone’s injuries were non-life threatening and Kai is a hero.
The Bible is not an easy read and even harder if it is not in your language. In the town of Tabernacle (I kid you not), near Kingstown in Jamaica, people are hearing the Bible in their own street language, patios, for the first time. In a BBC video, a pastor reads from the Gospel of Saint Luke, or “Jiizas – di buk we Luuk rait bout im”, in order to demonstrate the difference. It covers the moment the Angel Gabriel tells Mary she is going to give birth. In English it reads “And having come in, the angel said to her, ‘Rejoice, highly favored one, the Lord is with you: blessed are you among women.’” The patios version reads “De angel go to Mary and say to ‘er, me have news we going to make you well ‘appy. God really, really, bless you and him a walk with you all de time.” Natives, who speak Jamaican Creole as their first language, are very enthusiastic about the project and say that it really brings the Bible to life. I wonder if we could get a Dublin Inner city version going, even though it’s not another language. I can just imagine the attempted stoning of the adulteress, “Ah Here! Leave it out!”
I nearly missed the appearance of Jesus on an Irishman’s leg earlier in the week. Martin Carroll from County Laois and now studying teaching in Marino, Dublin got a bang on the leg during a game of hurling. The clash left a bruise featuring the face of Jesus, just in time for Paddy’s Day. Sure where better to spend it? See it on YouTube. Happy Saint Patrick’s Day wherever you are.
What could me more religious at Christmas than visiting the basilica of the Nativity in Bethlehem, where it is alleged Jesus Christ was born? Well perhaps you should avoid it. The church is jointly controlled by a number of competing religions and disputes often erupt between them over territorial claims. This year the Armenian Orthodox and Greek Orthodox clergyman had a full on brawl over who was supposed to clean which part of the church. They ended up screaming and hitting each other with broomsticks. The Palestinian security forces had to be called in to break up the riot. See the video on YouTube.
Meanwhile over near Reno, Jesus spoke to Justin Bennett through his heart and directed his rampage of arson, vandalism and shooting this Christmas. He targeted the police, a post office, four motels, strip clubs and various vehicles, shooting into them and burning down the unoccupied post office. He says
People should be home with their families at Christmas and at church, not at the strip clubs.
He has been charged with discharging a firearm into a building, arson and burglary.
Over near London, Santa Claus left an image of Jesus in the sock of Sarah Crane’s laundry. Who said they couldn’t work together? When Sarah started making a shrine to the sock, some of the creases fell out and the image could not be seen so clearly, but you can still make out the face. Unfortunately, she thinks it is no longer good enough to donate to her local church. She thinks it’s a sign, but for what she does not know. That reminds me, I must get rid of my holy socks.
Last Saturday the Heaven on Earth Church in Australia, staged a re-enactment of the crucifixion outside shops in Geelong. I’m proud to say that most of the people who passed by displayed their apathy openly before police brought the spectacle to an abrupt end. The nice folks at the church have placed a video of the crucifixion on YouTube so you can witness the fine display of apathy yourself. Enjoy!